Two Becomes One

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Posted on October 11, 2009 by Two Becomes One

Despite the fact that each dating situation is unique, each progresses in a similar manner.  This fairly predictable progression from the first date to a relationship can be divided into four basic stages.

Stage One is what we refer to as Start Up and lasts from approximately the first date through the first month.  During this time, you are on your absolute best behavior and work diligently to make a good impression.  You wear your best clothes, keep breath mints at arm’s length, shine your shoes, pluck your eyebrows and are meticulous about your overall appearance.

Stage Two, commonly referred to as Getting Going, spans from one to three months.  You are becoming more comfortable with your date and no longer stress over every aspect of your appearance.  You are relaxed enough to be yourself and even offer your date a breath mint instead of just sneaking one for yourself. 

Stage Three encompasses months three to six and has been coined Increasing Speed.  It is during this stage that you have determined that you definitely like each other a lot.  The physical and emotional attraction are peaking and it is hard to keep your hands off of each other.  You feel comfortable enough with your date to invite them over to your home even when it isn’t clean and you even wear comfortable clothes rather than spiffy ones.

Stage Four is what we have termed Cruising and lasts from six to nine months.  You are free to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.  You love each other even though you may not have vocalized it yet.  You have had the chance to see each other’s flaws and you find them adorable rather than maddening.  You are officially in a serious relationship at this point and you start to visualize your future with this person.

In the early stages of dating, you are dealing with lust which is very compelling and often confusing and dangerous.  Lust can lead people to make irrational and rash decisions.  Don’t let lust persuade you to race into something you are not ready for.  Take the time to get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company.  Enjoy the beginning stages of your relationship rather than racing ahead full speed.  Eventually, the lust will fade and if you haven’t taken the time to get to know each other, and deeper feelings have not had a chance to develop, the fading of lust will also mean the fading of your relationship.

During these beginning stages, the temptation to get ahead of yourself is strong but resist it.  Keep yourself in the present moment.  Take one day at a time and one date at a time.  Do not fantasize about your future together or put all of your wants and desires into your date.  Enjoy what you have at the present point in time, not what you could or should have in the future.

Be patient.  You can’t make someone fall in love with you and you can’t rush it either.  Love is about trust and time.  It really takes time to fully trust someone and love is built on trust.  Love is about acceptance, giving as well as receiving, warmth, companionship, and shared goals.  It’s truly caring for someone in the deepest sense of the word, not in spite of their flaws.

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