Two Becomes One

Before You Commit

Posted on October 15, 2009 by Two Becomes One

Before You Commit

There are a number of questions people will ask before they get married, however, understanding that a domestic partnership, or living together can often be just as significant as being married is very important. Knowing that for some, living together or being committed in this way is quite the same as being married is a good start, and being able to make sure that you’re really ready is still vital to making it last. It is never easy to live with someone else, even more so when this is someone who you may be contemplating long term life plans with

The Long Road

The first things that have to be established are the long term goals and plans of each partner. This should be at least in respect to the relationship. Yes, prior to moving in is most definitely the time to be asking about such things as long term monogamy, children, and what sort of path you expect or hope the relationship will take. These are the most important of the discussions you should have, and expectations, hopes and dreams must be expressed and clear prior to moving in together. If one partner wants children and the other does not- this could be a recipe for disaster. It may be that one partner wants kids, but just isn’t ready yet, and that, too has to be taken into account. Don’t go into a long term, living together relationship thinking that maybe one day your partner’s views will change. True, they may, but is that a gamble you really want to take?

Practical Questions

Who changes the cat box? Do we even have cats? These may seem like small things- but these little chores and such can become a big bone of contention with partners. Being sure you know what you expect done and what you expect to do prior to living with someone else is best. Sure, you will have that time of adjustment where you are just figuring out how things are but knowing who is doing what or what sort of arrangements you want to have will help the transition be that much smoother. Also, make sure that you work out the money prior to moving in. Many great relationships got really messed over because one partner said, “Oh don’t worry about it, we’ll figure it out later!” and then found themselves footing all of the bills and dealing with more than they could handle. Sitting down with each other and working out not only an effective budget, but a plan for how things will be laid out between you can solve a world of problems before they even become problems. Remember, the easiest way to resolve a problem, is by not having it happen in the first place.

Having a well thought out line of communication before you make the choice to move in together is always a really strong foundation in a long term relationship. If things are rushed in this regard, typically, there are messes and confusion to deal with which could have been better avoided with just a bit of for sight.

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