Two Becomes One

Confidence is Key

Posted on July 5, 2010 by Two Becomes One

The following article may not apply to all readers.  If you always feel good about yourself then it won’t apply to you.  If you never have trouble getting a date when you want one then it won’t apply to you.  If love interests line up around the block and burn up the phone lines just to talk to you then it won’t apply to you.  If you’ve never been alone then it won’t apply to you.  If you are unfamiliar with the experience of sitting alone watching that perfect person across the room just wishing that you had the nerve to walk over and talk to them then it won’t apply to you.

However, if you are looking for love but are crippled by worries, self-doubt, fear of rejection, fear of failure or any of the myriad other emotional roadblocks that keep people from pursuing happiness (that is to say – if you are normal) then read on.  This one if for the underdog and self-imposed exile.  It is especially relevant because the insecure and anxious would-be lovers of the world far outnumber the dashing Romeos and runway models.

What is the one thing that, more than anything else, determines whether or not you walk across that room to introduce yourself to that perfect person?  What is the one thing that, more than anything else, determines whether that person responds favorably or is dismissive?  As you may already know (or have at least guess from the title) the key ingredient is confidence.

Without confidence in yourself you could never work up the nerve to go talk to that special someone.  If you don’t feel good about yourself then it isn’t very likely that you expect other people to think highly of you either.  On the contrary, you will expect them to take as dim of an opinion of you as you have of yourself.

In fact, even if you did manage to find the strength to overcome your initial inertia, if you lack confidence it is likely that the person really will take a dim view of you.  That isn’t any reflection on your worth as an individual.  It is just a statement of fact.  When you have low self-esteem or doubt yourself it comes across in your body language, mannerisms and speech.  The very way that you carry yourself screams, “I think I’m a loser.”

When someone new meets you, all they have to go on in forming an opinion of you is what you present.  If you approach someone without confidence, you might as well walk up to them and say, “Hi, I am someone who has nothing to offer you.”  Obviously, that tactic won’t find much success.

This is why confidence is so important.  Unfortunately, this area is where people most often mess up.  The go about things backwards.  They try to get their sense of self-worth from their relationships, when they need that sense of confidence before pursuing a relationship.  Thus, so many end up settling for less than they deserve (and seldom finding any real sense of self-worth from those unsatisfying relationships).

The key to a good, fulfilling relationship is to develop confidence first.  If you lack confidence, work on yourself before seeking out a relationship.  Once you feel good about you and are confident in yourself you will find that a whole new world of relationship potential is open to you.

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