Two Becomes One

Cut Loose or Risk Getting Cut Loose

Posted on March 8, 2011 by Two Becomes One

Dating someone new can be an exciting time. There is a kind of energy – an expectation that anything can and will happen. While some of that thrill is chemical, the real feeling at play go far beyond just chemical reactions and biological processes. There is a genuine joy in getting to know someone who you share a mutual attraction to.
There is also a very real anxiety associated with dating. How you handle that stress has a lot of bearing on how the relationship proceeds. Before we go further into it, read each statement below and see if they sound like you.
1. I tend to be shy and have a hard time opening up on the first date, but when I get to know the person I’m a lot more outgoing.
2. When going out on a date, I usually decide what we will do and I often prefer it that way.
3. If unforeseen events force us to change our plans I sometimes find it hard to enjoy the rest of the date or feel like the date has been ruined.
4. I like to show my dates how “take charge” and “no nonsense” I can be by lording it over wait staff and other service industry workers. It’s important that they see how easily I can take control of a situation.
5. If my date doesn’t like my suggested/planned activity or if my date suggests/plans and activity that I don’t enjoy, I take it as a sign of fundamental incompatibility.
How did you do? If you agreed with even one of those statements, then the bad news is that you didn’t do well. All of those statements describes someone who most self-respecting, interesting people would not want to go out with. Let’s look at each statement.
Statement one – The whole purpose of dating is getting to know someone through conversation and shared experience. If you can’t bring yourself to talk, then a big part of that equation is missing. It doesn’t matter how personable you are when you warm up if the other person decides you aren’t interesting enough for a second date.
Statement two – Being a planner and an organizer has its place. That place is not the dating arena though. Over-planning makes you look tedious and dull. Insisting on your way makes you look bratty. None of those will win you any long-term relationships.
Statement three – Life is about learning to roll with the punches. Besides spontaneity is important to relationships. So lighten up. If nothing else, you’ll live longer and have more fun.
Statement four – You may think that you’re showing your date how well you can overcome adversity and how you won’t be taken advantage of. What you are really showing them is how much of a jerk you are. Not a good move.
Statement five – If you think that a successful relationship hinges on both parties enjoying all of the same things 100% of the time then you are living in a fairytale. People are different and like different things. As long as the differences in tastes do not violate you personal principles, then you should probably learn to be more flexible.
Dating is more than just hanging out and having fun. In a lot of ways, you are being interviewed for one of the most important positions of your life – a long term partner. Nobody wants to spend their life with someone who is a jerk or who can’t relax and have fun. So learn to loosen up, before you lose out.

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