Two Becomes One

Dating Someone With Children

Posted on October 10, 2009 by Two Becomes One

More and more frequently if you meet someone new and they are great, you may discover that they also have children. Dating someone with children really does not have to be the complex issue that some people feel it is. If you know for a fact that you yourself do not ever want to share your life with kids, it’s important to consider a few things. First of all, if this person doesn’t want a serious relationship, then it should not matter if they have children. But if they want kids and you don’t- considering if you’re willing to compromise before you really begin dating them can save you both alot of heartache.

Can You Be A Step Parent

When you start dating someone who does have kids, you have to consider this very real possible outcome. If you aren’t sure or you’re on the fence, set some ground rules as to what level of interaction you feel comfortable with. Initially, no matter what you are looking for, it is always best to keep your interaction with the children at a bare minimum, if at all- for their sake, and less for yours.

If the person that you are just beginning to date insists that you meet the kids- that is a red flag. Keeping stability is an important factor in being a parent- and full disclosure is fine, but exposing your children to a potential partner before the potential is really even known? Not so much. Moving at a very slow pace is vital to anyone with kids- and if this person is pushing fast, you have to slow it down and take it back a step. The occasional sitter mishap is normal, but someone introducing the kids early on is not.

“Uncle” Boyfriend is Gross

Just don’t do it. Don’t allow someone you are dating to do it. This is a long standing sort of thing that some do to ease the transition but it is not healthy, nor does it particularly help anything. No, you don’t have to tell someone you are dating how to raise their children, but you also don’t need to be referred to by anything other than “friend”, or “boyfriend/girlfriend”.

It’s Not Always Serious

Often, parents are not looking for anything serious- this is something you probably should find out also prior to dating. If they are fresh out of the divorce, or perhaps just not ready, then meeting the kids or worrying about that may not even be a concern. Don’t discount someone simply because when you met them, they had a kid in tow.

Dating someone with children is not as intimidating as you may think. Even if you aren’t looking to have kids in the future, sometimes you find that it’s enough to be the step parent role. Other times, the parent in question may not be looking for something long term or serious and it is not a concern. Being very open and communicative from the start is the best path to making this less awkward.

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