Two Becomes One

Friends With Benefits

Posted on October 15, 2009 by Two Becomes One

At some point in every friendship a joke is usually made about how hard it is to be single, and sometimes that joke leads into a more physical sort of relationship. How do you navigate a friends with benefits situation without ending up in an emotionally bad, awkward situation? Is that even possible? Yes, it is, however, there are quite a few factors that will make the difference in a friends with benefits situation being a good thing and going down in flames.

Communicate Clearly

If you’re the one that is starting to get some feelings, it is vital that you communicate very clearly with your friend about that. Pretty much, no matter what you do here, it’s going to get awkward for a time- but your being clear may mean the difference between losing a good friend, things reverting back to a nonphysical friendship or, sometimes becoming a deeper relationship. First and formost, understand that if you enter into a friends with benefits scenario expecting it will become a relationship- you are not being honest with your friend or yourself. Many a great friendship was utterly broken beyond repair by one person developing feelings for a friend, initiating a friends with benefits situation expecting that the sex would change things. Most of the time, it does not and this is a horrible way to try to get a relationship. If you say “we are friends who have sex”- and it’s supposed to be uncomplicated, you pretty much inject lies into your friendship and then, begin any sort of relationship on a lie. Don’t do it.

If you’re the friend that is on the receiving end of things and you begin to notice the tell tale signs of someone getting a bit over the top, also, heading things off at the pass is best. There is nothing wrong with stopping something from happening in this way but far too many excuse that away with “well, he/she knows it’s not serious”- if they are acting in a way that shows they think it is serious, then obviously, they aren’t still operating under the assumption that it is a no strings attached side benefit to the friendship. You may be a little nervous about telling them to stop, but you have to do it- and you have to be willing to end that physical aspect because it is really unfair to continue that when you do know that your friend’s feelings have become more than just a friendship.

A friends with benefits situation doesn’t have to ruin a friendship, as a matter of fact it can deepen things. However, if done incorrectly and without a clear set of boundaries- it can be disaster. If in doubt- don’t. If you feel that you cannot engage in physical relations with someone without wanting romance, it may not be a good idea to try it- expectations or no. If you know that your friend may be that way, avoiding that whole thing will save you a world of headache.