Two Becomes One

Learning About Each Other

Posted on October 4, 2009 by Two Becomes One

Learning about each other is a reciprocal process.  Each person needs to be willing to share information about themself in order for it to work.  Make sure that you are neither doing all the talking nor all of the listening.  To begin with, volunteer a little bit of factual information such as where you’re from, where you attended school, whether or not you have brothers or sisters, what field of work you are in, and how you spend your free time.  Encourage your date to volunteer information about themselves.  Show interest in what they have to say and ask questions to gather more information and confirm your interest.  Good questions to ask are:  What do you do for a living?  What do you like to do in your free time?  Do you enjoy sports?  What restaurants do you like?  Avoid asking questions that resemble pick-up lines like “Do you come here often?”  Be prepared to talk about a host of topics and equally prepared to listen.

There are certain things that you should tell your date immediately.  Specifically, if there is anything about yourself or your past that could affect any long-term relationship prospects, it is best to get it out in the open as soon as possible.  Waiting until the relationship progresses before sharing such information is a mistake because you jeopardize ruining a relationship that you have invested time, energy, and emotion into.  Information that should be shared within the first four to five dates includes previous marriages, kids, previous bankruptcies, etc.  Realistically, all of us are a bit cautious about what we share in the beginning of a relationship because we want to be liked but sooner or later the real you has to come out and the sooner the better.  The more truthful you are from the start, the better your relationship will be.

In the beginning stages of a new relationship, the two of you need to establish the ground rules together.  You need to get a feel for who both of you are and what you want from the relationship.  When sharing feelings and opinions, it is perfectly normal and appropriate to be a bit cautious initially.  Think before you speak.  Get some perspective on your feelings before sharing them and decide logically what you should share.  Certain things are best kept to yourself including details of past loves, sexual experiences,  previous hospitalizations, your friends’ opinions of your date, and any type of gossip.  Share feelings and emotions that are important indicators of who you are and what you want from a relationship.

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