Two Becomes One

Learning to Listen

Posted on September 21, 2009 by Two Becomes One

All guys are at least vaguely aware that being a “good listener” is a virtue to women and that being one significantly ups your appeal to the fairer sex.  However, just saying that you are a good listener isn’t going to get you very far with your dream girl.  You have to be able to demonstrate some comprehensive listening skills if you want to wow that special lady.  So what makes a good listener and how can you improve your listening skills?

Eye Contact:

One of the most important aspects of attentive listening is the ability to make good eye contact.  It doesn’t matter if you are committing every word she says to memory, if you aren’t making eye contact she won’t think you are listening or taking an interest in what she is saying.  Positive eye contact confirms to the speaker that you really are focused on what she is saying and that you engaged in the conversation.

If at any point in the conversation she has to remind you that her face is a foot higher than your line of site, you might be a bad listener.  Just as bad is letting your eyes wander around the room, fixating on the television, or even worse the anatomy of another woman.  You can’t fake being engaged in the conversation, you either are or you aren’t.  Staring blankly isn’t going to win you any points.

Acknowledgment:

Another key aspect of effective listening is being able to appropriately respond.  If you can’t seem to contribute more to a conversation than “uh huh” or a few noncommittal grunts, then don’t expect her to buy that you’re interested in her.  The best way to show your interest is to respond by repeating back what she has said, or to ask for clarification about comments.  This demonstrates that not only do you hear her, but you understand, or are at least trying to understand what she is saying.
You don’t want to be rude and interrupt, nor do you want to take over the conversation by overexerting your own thoughts and opinions.  Being knowledgeable and richly opinioned is great, but when she’s opening up to you let her retain the floor.  Some commentary is good, but let her direct the flow of the conversation.  Listen to what she says, and wait for those subtle pauses and cues that indicate she is wanting a response from you.

Sending the Right Message:

Effective and sincere listening is one of the best ways that you can send a clear message that “hey, I’m really interested in you.”  When you actively listen you are showing that you find her attractive on more than just a superficial physical level.  Even if you aren’t particularly interested in the topic of conversation, if you are interested in the person speaking then perk up and pay attention.
When you listen you are showing her more than just that you care.  By listening you become actively engaged in getting to know her on a deeper level.  Who knows, if you listen long enough you might even find yourself in a deep and meaningful relationship with someone you know intimately and care immensely about.

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