Posted on September 21, 2009 by Two Becomes One
Everyone’s been there at some point. You’ve been in a relationship a while, and he leaves the seat up. Or, he doesn’t rinse the coffee pot out or clean the catbox. Sometimes, though, the issues that you have are much deeper than that, perhaps a lack of communication and expression on his part or even not spending enough time- what do you do? How do you get through when you feel that you just aren’t being heard?
Are you actually talking?
If you feel that your partner isn’t putting as much into the relationship as you are, you may want to first sit down with yourself, first. If you have been hinting, or suggesting, or even just hoping that he’s going to wake up one day and magically know what it is that is bothering you- you’re probably wrong. Likely the feelings you have are quite valid and the issue that you feel strongly about is something that needs to be worked on. However, how can he work on it if you have never said anything about it? You’ve got a great guy, and you love him dearly, but he’s got a few shortcomings. For some women, this short coming is that he’s not a psychic. If you do not say anything, then, you are also not giving everything you could be to the relationship, either.
Being afraid that expressing yourself is going to somehow push him away is not a valid excuse- because if you’re unhappy, chances are he knows. He just doesn’t know why and it is not reasonable to expect him to, unless you speak up.
How are you talking?
For those of you who do say something- you may want to take a look at how you are saying it. If you are calm, rational and your points are well thought out, you’ll find that people are more willing to listen, not just men. But also, try communicating in a much more open way. When you’ve made a point, stop for a second and ask for their feedback, ask them what they think. Nobody likes to be talked at, rather than talked to- and this is one area where if you persist in a constant barrage of words, you may find you come across a bit like the mom and teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons. Never, ever use threats and ultimatums. Just don’t- this fosters insecurity that will kill a relationship.
As lighthearted and fun poking as we’re bringing across the advice, the truth is, if you are communicating effectively but he’s still not making the effort, the last resort is to begin to think about why this is and if it really can be resolved. In this case, if you have expressed yourself to no avail then again- no threats, no ultimatums. Take some time and space to put things into perspective and go from there.
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