Two Becomes One

Nice Guys Finish Last? Not Really.

Posted on October 8, 2009 by Two Becomes One

While that adage may seem true to you while you are looking for love, nothing could be further from the truth. Does it seem like the jerks are getting all the action? Look at the sort of women the jerks are with, first off. Secondly, realize that while they get the short term, if you are looking for long term- and most nice guys are, most women who are actually ready for long term, aren’t looking at the bad boys.

What Sort of Woman Goes For That?

So you’ve met this really great girl, but you find out the guy she’s seeing’s a real loser. You sit there and you wonder, what’s she doing with him? What’s he got that I don’t? Usually, what he has that you do not is the ability to take advantage of someone with low self esteem. Women who stick it out with men who aren’t treating them well typically have that in common and it really does not bode well for healthy long term relationships- so bear in mind, she may not be as stable as she seems. We’re not saying a woman with low self esteem cannot be a really great girl, but typically, correcting low self esteem should happen BEFORE getting involved with someone else, not after. Anyone who needs you to fill a void or boost their own feelings of self worth? Probably isn’t going to make for an easy relationship at all.

But I Just Want Some Fun, Too

So, how do you balance things when you’re the nice guy and you’re not looking for something serious and long term? You don’t have to demote yourself to that bad boy attitude or even change very much. Simply not going all out is one really great way to make things a little more even, but also? Refrain from puppy dog syndrome- do not call first, do not text first, let them chase you. One thing you’ll notice about most so called bad boys is that they all have one thing in common- they don’t need to do any chasing. Why? Because they don’t feel they have to, and you shouldn’t either, if you’re looking to get bad guy benefits without turning into one. You don’t need a make over and a leather jacket, just be a bit more aloof in the way that you do things. It’s pretty normal to want what you can’t have, so if you’re easy to access, it does tend to play down the mystery. Be a little hard to get at times.

More than anything, please understand that there is nothing wrong with you at all. Most women would really give anything to meet a great, sensitive guy like yourself. If you find that you get locked into the friend zone, it probably isn’t your issue, but hers.

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