Two Becomes One

Relationships

Posted on October 13, 2009 by Two Becomes One

Sooner or later, there comes a time in every relationship where you have to decide whether or not you are in this for the long haul. If you are only interested in excitement, it probably makes sense to move onto the next relationship because, once you have been with the same individual for an extended period of time, the excitement and lust begin to fade. If you are looking for intimacy, security, and ultimately, love, then you will eventually have to trade off the novelty for companionship and depth.

It is important to seriously evaluate your relationship to determine if it has the potential to last the test of time. You need to consider whether or not you are truly compatible with this person. How much time do you spend together and how much do you enjoy your time together? How much do you have in common and how well do you get along? Do you both enjoy doing the same things? Are each of you willing to try new things for the benefit of the other person? Do you like each other’s friends and families?

Once you have determined that you are compatible, you need to conclude that you have similar goals in life. Are you both at the same stage in your life and headed in similar directions? Do you want the same things from the relationship and from life? If you plan on creating a life with someone, it is important that both of you are interested in achieving the same goals and are looking for the same things out of life, i.e. marriage, a career, kids.

Another factor that contributes to whether or not your relationship will be successful is your background. What type of families do each of you come from? Do you both spend the same amount of time with family and put similar amounts of energy into maintaining your relationship with family members? Are your economic and educational backgrounds similar? Do you have the same religious convictions? While not every aspect of your backgrounds has to be identical, it is typically easier to assimilate your life with someone else’s when you are beginning on common ground. If your backgrounds are vastly different, you need to recognize this, discuss it, and accept it in order to continue to build a lasting relationship.

In every relationship, problems arise from time to time and how we deal with these problems is essential to the well-being of our relationships. Consider how you react to solving problems. Are you a control freak or are you afraid of confrontation? Do you and your significant other listen to each other in order to negotiate a solution? Are you able to solve problems and move on or do you insult each other during a fight and sulk afterwards? The more proactive that each of you is in solving problems cooperatively, the healthier your relationship will be.

A successful relationship is not born but made. It is based on conscious decisions and choices and, of course, love. But, romantic love alone, is not enough to sustain a long-term relationship or marriage. As we already discussed, those feelings of lust and excitement fade and so do the feelings of being “in love”. Real love, the kind that stands the test of time, is built. It is a choice and a commitment to stand by another individual no matter what happens. To love someone means to consciously choose to be committed to that person each and every day of your life for the rest of your life. Finding that special someone and committing to them is hard work and the reward is the privilege of love.

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