Two Becomes One

Setting Boundaries

Posted on September 21, 2009 by Two Becomes One

In any relationship there eventually comes a time when you need to establish some personal boundaries.  Relationships are all about getting comfortable with another person and opening up your life to them.  However, there is such a thing as too comfortable.  There is a big difference between sharing a toothbrush holder with someone and sharing your bodily function.  If your relationship has reached “serious” status then it is probably best to go ahead and establish some ground rules.  A good heart-to-heart now can help prevent some uncomfortable situations further down the line.

Pet Peeves

We all have our little pet peeves, those little annoyances that just drive us bonkers much more than they probably should.  While it’s easy to overlook the little quirks at the beginning of a relationship, as you get more accustomed to the person and are around him/her more often it can become a lot more difficult to let those things slide.  If you never express a problem with those little things, then you cannot realistically expect the other person to change it.  If you let your annoyance fester and explode, then he/she has every right and reason to be upset with you for going off on them about something you have never expressed a problem with before.
It is best to clear the air about these kinds of issues fairly early in.  It gives the other party a chance to correct those habits if they are correctable.  If the habits are correctable then it gives you both a chance to accept that and decide if a) you can learn to live with it or b) the issue is a big enough one to be a deal breaker.

The Big Issues

As two people become very comfortable with one another, it becomes all too easy to forget that there are some basic needs for privacy.  Things that you would never have considered doing, such as barging into the bathroom while he/she is using it, become seemingly less unthinkable.  However, there is a real danger to a relationship when you begin to become that complacent about personal space and boundaries.
While for some, sharing bathroom space may be a sign of intimacy and trust, and surely it is.  However, intruding on one another’s personal moments robs the relationship of some of its mystique.  Furthermore, allowing yourself that degree of familiarity makes it more likely that you will grow lax about other issues of privacy.  You wouldn’t dream of reading his/her email or private journal.  Show that same respect in all personal matters.  If you would dream of doing those things, perhaps it is time to reevaluate your suitability to relationships.
No matter how close you become, there has to be a certain degree of autonomy and personal space.  It isn’t just a matter of familiarity breeding contempt, though that does factor in.  The bottom line is that for a relationships to grow and flourish, both parties have to have the freedom to grow as individuals as well.  Becoming too familiar robs a relationship of that spark of mystery and excitement and sets it on the road to stagnation.

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