Two Becomes One

The Little White Lie

Posted on January 30, 2011 by Two Becomes One

The Little White Lie
No discussion about successful dating and relationships is completely without touching on the topic of truthfulness. In fact, there are very few things more important to a relationship. Trust is made or broken by truthfulness in both word and deed.
Ask just about anyone and they will tell you, unequivocally, that lying is wrong. Then ask them about little white lies and the opinions get murky pretty quickly. Most people intellectually classify a little white lie as different from an outright lies. Is it wrong to tell a small lie to spare someone’s feelings? is it wrong to slightly misrepresent the truth in a more personally favorable light? Opinions vary.
For most people it comes down to this: intentionally misleading or misrepresenting the truth is absolutely wrong… unless I do it, in which case it is justified.
Ignoring the hypocrisy of that viewpoint, let’s talk a little about the real effects of misrepresentations. What do you gain when you lie? What do you give up?
Probably the single most common area where people lie (in the context of dating) is when it comes to issues of personal successes and/or failures. After all, when we are in the courting phase of a new relationship we want to be seen in the best possible light. That is a characteristic shared by the vast bulk of animal life on this planet, not just something that people do. To get the best mate you have to be the best selection.
Of course, people don’t have any natural plumage to display. Instead, we have things like degrees, cars, bank accounts, personal accomplishments, etc.. So the fact that someone would exaggerate their income, or brag about a fictitious award while conveniently never bringing up their past felony conviction is understandable to an extent.
However, regardless of how understandable the motivations for lying might be, the effects are always damaging. And words are not the only way that we compromise our integrity. We may lie in our actions, be it something as extreme as standing someone up for a date or something less obvious like wearing a slimming corset to misrepresent our bodies. Some may look at such occurrences and say, “What’s the big deal?” Yet, from the side of the person being deceived, even the smallest of deceptions can cast a person’s integrity into a suspicious light.
Trust is the foundation of a solid relationship. Hard to build and so easy to destroy, trust is what allows us to let down our protective walls and allow someone to see who we really are. But who we are isn’t perfect. How can we allow someone to see our imperfections if they lie about their own? How can we have faith that this person who easily lies about little things will be honest about the really big things?
When viewed from the perspective of the person who is being lied to, these little white lies no longer seem so small. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what the lie was about, it is the fact that you were willing to lie that counts against you. In the end, the lie may damage your image more than whatever it was meant to conceal.

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