Two Becomes One

When the Honeymoon’s Over – Peace Through Space

Posted on March 13, 2011 by Two Becomes One

When we are in the throes of the chemical ecstasy that drives new romances it seems like we just can’t get enough of that special someone. Every second spent together feels like heaven. Every second apart feels like an eternity of torment.

These feelings of pleasure are nature’s way of making sure that humanity continues to propagate. The body produces chemicals in response to attraction. In turn, we associate those pleasurable feelings with the person to whom we are attracted. This encourages us to seek out that person’s company, allowing us to bond and, hopefully, establish the roots of a long-lasting relationship.

Proximity is vital to establishing a relationship. The more time you spend with someone and the better you get to know them, the deeper the relationship becomes. That is why our bodies spur us on to spend every possible moment with the object of our affections.

However, whether or not a couple can maintain a relationship after the internal chemical storm subsides and the newness of the relationship settles in to a more comfortable accustomedness depends largely on proximity as well. Though in a matured relationship that need is inverted.

Where once we couldn’t stand to be apart from that other person, we begin to feel the need for some personal space. Many people feel at least a little bit guilty for having these kinds of feelings. However, the desire for space in a mature relationship is just as natural as the desire for constant contact in a young relationship.

Humans need a certain degree of personal time and space for proper mental health and wellbeing. We need time to be alone, to process the events of our lives and to just relax. We need time to grow as individuals, not just as a couple.

Couples who attempt to maintain the same degree of constant contact that they had when they first began to date quickly find that friction develops in the relationship. If one or both continue to push for that degree of contact that friction can grow to become resentment. So, that very same desire for closeness that help establish the relationship begins to threaten to destroy it.

All this is to say: if your relationship has reached the stage where it has begun to mellow and become comfortable, don’t feel guilty if you feel that you want more space than you have had. Don’t be afraid to ask for that space, either.

If you are the partner that is “smothering” the other, then try to understand the ramifications of your actions. While you may feel that you need to struggle to maintain that constant physical closeness at all times in order to maintain the relationship, you are really doing more harm than good. Learn to give your partner time for self. You’ll probably be surprised at how much the relationship begins to improve. You’ll also probably be surprised at just how much you unknowingly missed having time to yourself, too.

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